Falling

Falling isn't anything new for me. How many times have I experienced falling? Countless. And with each time, things got messier; each time, more painful than the last. Every fall, I'd say it would be the last, and each time I was wrong. I'd fallen so many times but I never learned my lessons.

Earlier, I was asked to name at least one thing that I couldn't do as a child but when I'd done it when I got older, I realized it wasn't so great. (Okay, the phrasing wasn't good, so anyone who didn't quite get it, think of disillusioned.) My answer: falling in love. And that came with a big laugh!

I don't think I'll survive another fall. It would be just too much, and too soon...

But just now, I realized I'm falling again. And this one will definitely kill me.

You see, it's not falling in love that I'm talking about. It's falling into a void, into a never ending emptiness where nothing exists but the pain and the regret, and the ugliness of myself.

Aside from my family, the people who mean so much in my life are my friends. They are the ones who have seen the best and the worst in me. We've been together in most ups and downs. We laugh. We cry. We live life together.

It's funny how we could spend an entire year with people and not know them in the end. It's funny how you think you know someone, but not really know them at all.

I'm falling because I'm losing grip. I'm losing grip to the people that I hold dear. I'm losing the people that I call friends.

I see them everyday. I talk to them. I think I know them. But I do not.

I don't feel connected to them anymore. And it's scaring the hell out of me.

It's scary to realize that months had passed and you missed a thing or two about a friend; that you were gone for a second and things had changed. It's scary to wake up one day and everything around you was not the same anymore.

I really can't explain it. I guess you guys wouldn't even know what I'm talking about until you start falling too.

We were walking along this long road until I got tired and searched for a hand that will help me, and I realized they were all gone.